This isn’t the post that I wanted to write. This is the post I feel as though I have to write. I wanted to wait until everything was wrapped up in a neat little glittery bow. So far, such a moment hasn’t happened.
I was reading Let’s All Be Brave by Annie Downs. Some of her words really resonated with me. Now, I regularly connect with my beloved books, but this was extraordinary. God was using the book to speak to me. Have you ever felt his tender mercy just tug at your heart strings?
The waiting is almost over.
I didn’t need to ask about which thing from my list of prayers and desires that I was specifically being encouraged about. It could be anything. It could be all the things. It could be some of the things. Relentless hope will do that to you.
Yet, as I write out these words, from my point of view, it is still the messy middle. I get so tired of being in the middle. I keep wondering when I am going to see these big changes in my life. Maybe it is not the big changes that I should be looking for, but the thousands of little changes that are paving the way.
I wonder how others perceive me. I wonder if they can sense my frustration and angst. I wonder if they look at me and think about how silly I am to keep on looking for the future with hope when nothing changes. I wonder if they think me odd for not trying another way.
I know what has been promised to me. I know there is a reason why life has taken me on this specific path. I know that I cannot rush God’s timing, no matter how much I plead. I read over and over in the Bible about people who got tired of waiting for God. It never turns out well for them. I do not want to be like them.
Until I get a very specific word to lay a dream aside (or it comes true, obviously), I am going to keep on believing. I am going to keep on hoping.
I’ve been called worse things than silly. I have been judged and pitied before. It would mean the world to me if you could be a part of my tribe and support me. If not, I don’t need your pity. I need people who are willing to watch alongside me. Watch me and see how God’s plans are unfolding. Watch and be amazed.